lunar eclipse night

chand hafte bod kheili zajr mikeshidam kheili gerye kardaam. kheili delam vase cheshash tang shod. narahatio ghosam in bood ke montazerame. emshab bad az 1000 ta fal o 14 ta nade ali o yasin o in harfa delo zadam be darya o zang zadam behesh. enghad bache bazi kardo harfe bikhod zad ke ashkamo dar ovord. hey behesh goftam bia mehraboonano ba ham harf bezanim goft harfi bahat nadaram, khodeto loos nakon. goftam delam tang shode, goft man tang shode . goft man tang nashode va man ham in enjoyment ro azat nemigiram. badesh ham hey migoft mikham beram bekhabam. man kari ba to nadaram. koli koochikam kard. kheili. koli bbehesh zang zadam telo ke ghat kard. koli msg dadam ke mishe emshab pishet basham. telamo bar nadasht. mane ashghalo begooo 3 mae shabo roooz fekram oone. delam barash mishe o vaghtamo fekramo babatesh talaf mikonam. badam goft dige zang bezani bar nemidaram. to kheili bachei o asshole. halam azash be ham mikhore. hich kas mano be andazeye ooon kochik nakarde. khodaya be haghe in ashkai ke daram mirizam, be haghe zahra, hamin balai ke saram ovord ro sare khodesh biar. khodaya hamin sardi ke ba man kardo ba khodesh bokon. khodaaya mehresh ro baraye hamishe az delam biroon kon. man az in ashghale avazi motenaferam. mano begoo ke khodamo gool zadam ke mitoone behem aramesh bede!!!! khak bar saram ba in fekre koochikam. base dige. bayad khodamo az in manjelabi ke endakhtam toosh bekesham birooon

tavalod

azizam pas farda tavalodete. daram say mikonam khodeto khaterateto faramoosh konam. ama nemidoonam chera bazam donbale axat migardam. absessed shodam bahat. hafteye pish enghaaadr delam vase cheshaye khoshgelett tang shode bood ke tasmimamo gereftam ke zang bezanam be bahooneye tabrik goftane tavalodet, sedaye khoshgeleto beshnavam baz. sedayi ke bazi vaghta az sardi divoonam mikard va bazi vaghta ba ye jooon goftan ghalbamo az tapppesh vay mistoozoonnd. alan enghadr saret ba doostat garme, enghadr doro varet shoolooghe, enghadr be ghole khodet busy hasty ke hata 1 sanie ham motmaenan yade man nemiofti. vali man tak take in roooza be khodam feshar miaram ke be jaie inke be to fek konam 1 sanie betoonam faramooshet konam. har roooz ke az khab pa misham az takht ke boland misham miai jolo chesham, ta shab ke saramo mizaramo be yadet mikhabam.
kheili delam mikhad bedooonam ke aya 1 sanie am too fekret miam ya na. kr aya 1 saniam be inke tavalodet parsal b aham boodim fek mikoni ya na? man ke azat mikhastam joda sham hoseleye baghie doostato nadashty? man khoob yadame!

midooni chi mano misoozoone? inke hata age bargardiam mishkanam. chon midoonam be darde man nemikhori. ghoroorat, lajbaziat, immaturit, va hameye akhlaghaye badet ke halam azashoon be ham mikhore be dardam nemikhore..... ama chikar konam ke delam vase inke ye bar dige esmamo seda koni tang shode? chi kar konam age delam vase inke baghalam koni tang shode? inam khoob mishe? fekr mikoni inam aroom she?
kaash be ooon cheshaye bad jenset del nabaste boodam. kash be oon ghalbe sanget adat nakarde booodam. kash nemidoonestyy inghad doooset daram. kash midoonesty delam mikhad bemiri ke bedooonam dige hich ki dastesh behet nemirese. chera age man nabayad be to beresam, bayad daste kase digei be to berese?
roooze tavalodeto kharab nemikonam. in haftaro bayad ba ham jash begirim. to joda! man joda!
to ba dooostat, man tanha.
mano tanha kardi. man hatta harfeto dige pishe kasi nemitoonam bezanam. chon hame az to baddeshoon miad.
parsal yadete?? yadete zang zadam tavalodeto tabrik goftam, gofty khaharet seghte janin karde va saret dard mikard? akhlaghet az hamishe sagitar bood. gooshiro ghat kardi. man hazer shodam biam pishet ke tavalodet pishet basham, enghad badraftari kardi ke gooshio ghat kardam. bad goftam tavalodeshe, gonah dare. zang zadam goftam plan dari? gofty pasho bia man daram miram sams, goftam bashe har chi to begi mikhai biam sams? gofty bia oonja man miram khoone. raftim khoone, piraneto dadam behet. large bood. ama to xlargei. behem gofy sizeamo az koja midoonesty? mane sadeam goftam sizeto ke dige midoonam. ajab rooozaie talkhi bood. kamtar azashoon khande o aramesh yadame.
mishe ye chizi azat bekham? emsalam be yade man pirhani ke man barat kharidamo tanet kon. kheili behet miad.
delam barat tang shode.
kheili
hanoo?ozam dooset daram
chera?

mehmooni

pesareye ashghal vase man mehmooni gerefte har chi dokhtare hamale too shahr davat karde khoonash. sare ghabre hamdige beshinin ishala. khodaya rahatam kon az in hame zajr dige taghat nadaram. taghsire khodame axasho check kardam ama hala mifahmam kheili heivoone. kheliiii bi khodi vaghtamo barash hadar dadam. zendegimo omramo. I hate myself. I hate myself. khodaya arameh behem bede. azat khahesh mikonam.

next gf

har chi say mikonam khodamo razi konam ke facebookesho negah nakonam va akhabare jadid azash nagiram nemitoonam. emrooz maman ina az iran oomadan o man oomadan dallaso baz havasho kardam. fek konam ba ye dokhtare be esme kathy doost shode. vase hamine dige soraghe mano nemigire. hamash ba ham tajasomeshoon mikonam. hamash fek konam too khoonash ba haman va dare barash ghaza dorost mikone. vaghean nemidoonam chi shod sarnevesht ma do ta ro be inja keshoond. ama midooni dige hich vaght delam nemikhad bahash basham. chand roooz dige tavalodeshe va man behesh tabrik nakhaham goft. har chand ke fekram nemikonam montazere tabrike man bashe. che rooozaiiiee. begzare zoodtar